Most leaders spend a great deal of time thinking about what they want to communicate.
They work to set direction, share priorities, solve problems, and support their teams. Yet leadership is not judged solely by what we say. It is often judged by what people observe. This week’s article explores the signals leaders send every day, often without realizing it, and why self-awareness may be one of the most important leadership skills of all.
A coaching client once shared her frustration that employees seemed hesitant to bring forward concerns, ideas, and opportunities for improvement. She genuinely believed she had created an environment where people felt comfortable speaking up. She regularly reminded her team that her door was always open.
Then during a conversation, an employee offered an observation she wasn’t expecting: “When people come into your office, you’re often still looking at your screen.”
The employee wasn’t being critical. She was being honest.
As we explored the conversation further, additional observations emerged. During meetings and one-on-one discussions, my client would occasionally glance at her phone, check incoming messages, and sometimes respond to a text before the conversation was finished. None of these actions were intended to send a negative message. In fact, her intentions were exactly the opposite. She cared deeply about her people and wanted them to feel heard.
But leadership isn’t experienced through intentions alone. It is experienced through behaviors. And sometimes the signals we send are very different from the signals people receive.
One of the challenges leaders face is that they rarely receive direct feedback about these perceptions.
Employees notice things. They talk about them. They draw conclusions. Yet they rarely tell the leader what they are seeing. Over time, those observations begin shaping how people engage with leadership.
Years ago, an executive coaching client found himself struggling with an important hiring decision. After multiple rounds of interviews, assessments, and internal discussions, three candidates remained. All three looked outstanding on paper. All three interviewed well. The decision was becoming difficult.
When he asked for my thoughts, I suggested something a little different: schedule lunch with each candidate individually. Not to ask additional interview questions — to observe. Watch how they interact with the host. Watch how they speak to the server. Watch whether they make eye contact, show appreciation, and treat people respectfully when there is nothing to gain.
A few weeks later he called me. The decision had become surprisingly clear. The resumes were similar. The behavior wasn’t.
People reveal themselves through small actions. Employees do exactly the same thing when they observe leaders.
Consider a simple example.
You’re walking through the office with your phone in hand. One of your team members, Robert, is approaching from the opposite direction. You can tell he’s slowing his pace. Perhaps he wants to ask a question, provide an update, or simply say hello. Just as you’re about to cross paths, your phone vibrates.
What happens next? Do you immediately look down to see who’s calling? Do you answer the phone? Or do you make eye contact, greet Robert, and engage for a few moments?
Most leaders would describe that as a small decision.
Employees often see it as a signal. The signal may be that people matter — or that interruptions matter more. The signal may be that leadership is approachable, or that leadership is too busy. The point isn’t which choice is right in every circumstance. The point is that people are constantly drawing conclusions from the behaviors they observe.
Most employees are not evaluating every word a leader says. They’re paying attention to patterns. They notice whether you stop what you’re doing when someone enters your office. Whether you listen to understand or simply wait for your turn to respond. Whether you react constructively when someone brings bad news. Whether you treat people with the same respect regardless of their position. And whether your actions consistently support the words you speak.
These observations may seem small in isolation. Together, they create a leadership reputation.
Many leaders focus much of their attention on major presentations, town halls, strategic planning sessions, and important announcements. Those moments matter. But some of the strongest leadership signals are sent during ordinary interactions — a rushed response, a dismissive comment, a genuine expression of appreciation, a willingness to admit a mistake, a moment of patience when circumstances become difficult. Employees often learn more about a leader from these everyday moments than from any formal communication.
The signals become even more visible during periods of pressure. When business conditions are favorable and workloads are manageable, most leaders appear calm and composed. Stress changes the equation. Deadlines become tighter. Problems become more frequent. Expectations increase. This is when teams begin watching even more closely.
How does the leader respond when things go wrong? Do they remain steady or become reactive? Do they seek solutions or look for someone to blame? Do they continue listening or begin shutting people down? Moments of pressure often reveal leadership habits that remain hidden during calmer periods.
I’ve seen leaders spend months trying to improve engagement, communication, and trust within their organizations while overlooking the signals they were sending every day. The issue wasn’t strategy. The issue wasn’t process. The issue wasn’t a lack of good intentions. The issue was awareness.
Like all of us, leaders have blind spots.
We all have behaviors that seem insignificant to us but carry meaning for others. The most effective leaders understand this reality and remain curious. They ask questions. They seek feedback. They invite honest observations. Most importantly, they resist the urge to become defensive when they hear something they didn’t expect.
Growth often begins with a willingness to see ourselves through the eyes of others. That can be uncomfortable. It can also be incredibly valuable. Because leadership is not determined solely by what we intend to communicate. Leadership is shaped by what people experience.
The next time you’re wondering how your team views your leadership, consider a different question. Not, “What message am I trying to send?” Instead ask: “What are people actually seeing?” The answer may teach you more than you expect.
Think About This
If three members of your team were asked to describe the signals you consistently send as a leader, what would they say? Would their observations match the image you have of yourself? And perhaps more importantly, would they match your intentions?
Action Item
This week, ask a trusted colleague, team member, or peer one simple question: “What’s one thing I do that positively impacts the people around me, and what’s one thing I may not realize I’m communicating?”
Then listen carefully. No explanations. No defending. No correcting. Just listen. The answer may provide one of the most valuable leadership lessons you’ll receive all year.
Wenkroy International LLC is a Professional Advisory company with a main purpose of helping entrepreneurs and business people create the strategy, the plan and the steps necessary to achieve that person’s vision for their business and often their life, while navigating the obstacles which may be blocking them from reaching their goals. The process may involve one on one coaching, advising, laser focus days, personal growth workshops and more. The methods utilized are determined together. The results and value positively impact individuals, teams, divisions and across entire companies. People are now able to focus on what matters most to them, because, they have clarity on where they are heading.
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